hotel room ftw
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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