Me. At least after what I've been through.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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