I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
