Porn is love you can see.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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