I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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