I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
