Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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