i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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