I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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