i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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