Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
