At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
