It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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