I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
