Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
