the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
