I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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