You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
