tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
