Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
