so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
