Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
