apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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