Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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