Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
