I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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