love makes seman taste better
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
