I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
