just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
