Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
