I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
