Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
