I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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