I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
