I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
