My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
