there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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