my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
