dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
