so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
