I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Randomize
