i just had sex bonerless
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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