I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
