mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
