went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
