The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
