If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
