I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
