Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
