I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
