I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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