Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
