i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
