i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
