Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
