sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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